What About Me?

     My friends, which seem to all have kids less than 2 years apart, told me that my love would multiply once I had Macy.  I couldn't imagine feeling more joy than I did with Carter in my life.  At the same time, I fully believed my friends and trusted their advice.  Now Macy is only 2 weeks old and I'll admit I have shed more than a few tears over how Carter must be feeling.  I can see that this is a big adjustment for him.  He has been refusing meals (very unusual), slamming doors, throwing things, saying "NO" and "mine" for the first time, and using nursing time to get away with anything he can.  I have to protect Macy from Carter, so I'm usually holding her and to make it even harder, I'm not allowed to lift Carter, because of my c-section.  I read this tear-jerker of a poem tonight and it helped me gain a new perspective.

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying her, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown